


now i've thrown them off their rhythm

by SSAerial



Category: Bleach
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fashionista Ichigo, Gen, Handsome Ichigo, M/M, everyone is THIRSTY for the substitute shinigami, hot damn, this is based off one of my headcanons that i wrote on tumblr, where ichigo dresses well and nobody can handle it, why isn't this a tag???
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:01:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24332485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SSAerial/pseuds/SSAerial
Summary: The universe reveals the fact Kurosaki Ichigo is the Bomb and nobody can handle it.
Relationships: I might or might not ship ichigo with someone in the end, Kurosaki Ichigo/Everyone, except the ones that have common sense
Comments: 38
Kudos: 540
Collections: koylic





	now i've thrown them off their rhythm

**Author's Note:**

> It’s been so long since I’ve written a Bleach fic, I’m probably really really rusty. This is based on one of my headcanons that I wrote a while ago and I just, ran with it. I’ll put up a link so you can see the full headcanon. It was A LOT of fun to write so I hope you enjoy too!

If Renji were to pinpoint when it all started, he would say it was the day Ichigo graduated high school. Three years since Kurosaki Ichigo charged into Soul Society with nothing but a cat and a few teenagers crazy enough to follow him. It was a miracle he was still alive and human after Aizen. After _Yhwach_.

They lost so many people. The Commander, a fuck ton of Captains, _Unohaha_. Truthfully, her death was the most shocking and hushed up. Seeing _Kenpachi_ look depressed for months afterwards was the bar in how shitty everyone was taking the losses.

But as usual, Soul Society managed to move on. Slowly but surely, the gaping ranks were filled as Captain Kyoraku handled every issue with a sharp smile and an iron fist. The once lazy man didn’t play any games regarding cleanup and Renji felt in his _bones_ that things were changing, that this was the start of a new age where helpful arrancars and reinstituted fugitives became heroes. All thanks to an orange haired teenager who tossed the rulebook he never even thought to look at and unintentionally setting it on fire cause god forbid he did anything with malicious intent in his short life.

What a time to be alive.

Honestly, if you really thought about it? Renji should’ve expected the sheer chaos Ichigo would cause without even thinking about it. Or flat out thinking really.

It was only Renji and Rukia who showed up at the graduation, the rest unable to afford taking any time off. Renji almost didn’t come at all considering he was a lieutenant and taking the bulk of the sixth’s paperwork, when Captain Kuchiki suddenly kicked him out of the barracks and told him to, “Go visit the humans. Your concern for their status is disrupting.”

After the last couple of years of a more relaxed and closer relationship with the man, Renji translated it as the Captain telling him to take a break. If only his past self could’ve known what a worry hen the sixth Captain really was. Didn’t help with this impression when it became evidently clear that the Kuchiki knew about Ichigo’s day of celebration, perfectly timing it so he and Rukia could be present for it. Urahara shoving gigais at them the moment he found them only confirmed it.

They stuck out like a sore thumb with Isshin crying out how proud he was of his son while Urahara simply grinned behind his flashing fan while donning a proper suit. Karin looked ready to sink through the floor in embarrassment and Yuzu was sobbing in one hand, throwing up a shaky thumbs up any time strangers threw her a concerned look or asked if she was okay. As for Rukia, well, she stood on one of the plastic chairs in clear refusal of her short status. And Renji was… Renji.

When Ichigo received his diploma, a chorus of shrieks and wailing met him, Rukia getting swept along as she hollered, “GOOD JOB ICHIGO! I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT PAPER IS, BUT YOU DESERVE IT!”

Ichigo looked ready to hop down from the podium and strangle all of them. Ishida, who was still sitting down and not called yet, buried his face in his hands and wallowed. Chad merely gave a thumbs up back at them, also still sitting.

After the ceremony and the time it took to gather everyone in one place, it was unanimously decided they would go out and eat. Ichigo’s father declared they were going to eat BBQ tonight, Ichigo arguing in the background that it was too damn expensive, damn it goatface!

Nobody listened to him.

Urahara had to leave early though, something about working on a building material that could potentially make the structures in Soul Society stronger. People were getting tired of everything breaking the moment a fight broke out. Renji had to salute the man for even trying. He doubted it was possible.

Reaching the restaurant, the group had to shuffle around the tables and swear as the graduates kept tripping over their robes before finally, Ichigo started tearing it off with a snarl on his face.

“Fucking hell, why the fuck do they make it like this?” Ichigo’s frustration was evident in his voice even when muffled as he tried to slip out of it over his head.

Ishida sighed, clicking his glasses up his nose. “Kurosaki, it’s not that hard. You’re just too much of an idiot even in this-”

Ishida stopped. Ishida _stared_.

Renji was deaf and blind to everything except Ichigo. He distantly heard the sound of a camera clicking in the background, a small flash of light at the corner of his eye.

Ichigo was wearing a _vest_.

_A sweater vest._

Dark green and slightly clashing with Ichigo’s hair color, it shouldn’t have looked as good as it did yet Ichigo managed to pull it off with ease. His tight black jeans were a second skin and Renji couldn’t stop _looking_ at how the fabric rippled at every movement.

Renji watched, mesmerized as Ichigo rolled his shoulders, cracking his neck to the side with a sinuous sigh that sent shivers down his spine. His white button down slightly untucked itself from his waist and a sliver of skin and fucking abs stared at Renji in the face. Abs that Renji has seen before on the battlefield a hundred fucking times.

Yet in this dinky little BBQ restaurant with bad lighting, Renji felt like he was _losing his mind._

 _What_.

Oblivious to the fact everyone’s staring at him, Ichigo grunted and jerked his head. “Need to go to the bathroom,” he said before walking away. Has his ass always been that form fitting?

The moment he was gone, Ishida turned wild eyes at them.

 _“What the fuck?”_ he whisper screeched. Orihime wasn’t looking anyone in the eye and blushing red as a fire hydrant, nonsensically muttering, “The fantasy is _real??”_

Rukia turned wide-eyed at Renji, pink-faced, and shook him like a rag doll. “Holy shit, Ichigo’s _hot. What.”_

Chad, the one sane man left alive, looked nonplussed.

“Are you guys okay?” he asked cautiously. Renji shot him an incredulous look and pointed in the direction where Ichigo disappeared to.

“Did you or did you not see what Ichigo was wearing? Did you or did you not see Ichigo’s fucking bouncy butt? Oh my god, I think I’m having a stroke.” Renji clenched his chest, heart wildly thumping. “Fuck, this can’t be real. Are we in another dimension? _Again?”_

Chad stared wordlessly as Renji felt the very seams of his soul unraveling.

Apparently, Ichigo was attractive.

God, _why?_

Renji turned at the sound of giggling. He was met with the sight of Karin grinning and Yuzu smiling like everything was sunshine and daisies. At that moment, Renji could completely believe the fact they were twins. The matching devious glint in their eyes was proof enough.

And Isshin, well, Isshin looked _proud_.

“Well of course my son is handsome. The Shiba genes are strong with manly good looks. You just have to look at me!” Isshin shot a blinding grin and a thumbs up at them. Renji suddenly felt deep sympathy for Captain Hitsugaya if _this_ was what he had to deal with for decades.

Karin snorted and crossed her arms over her chest. It was only then that Renji noticed the camera that was hanging around her neck, the lens glinting ominously.

“Don’t blame yourself for not noticing. Ichi-nii’s personality makes it hard to.” Karin sounded so _understanding_. Renji didn’t know how to feel about that.

Rukia, who seemed to be getting over the fact she was attracted to her best friend faster than anyone else, squinted at Ishida with puzzlement.

“Hang on. Aren’t you related? Why are you reacting like this?”

Orihime gasped, the sound loud and excited. “Oh! Oh! Maybe Ishida-kun actually likes Kurosaki-kun! It’s a forbidden romance between cousins! How romantic!”

“NO!” Ishida yelled with absolute horror. Renji can’t recall ever seeing the Quincy look this red and mortified in his life. “I would never like that idiot! Besides, we aren’t even really related by blood, so it’s moot point so please, _stop talking about this.”_

“Aww.” Orihime slumped with disappointment. Renji will never understand this human. Didn’t she have a crush on the carrot top?

She perked up though when she seemed to also notice the camera Karin had. “Karin-chan, did you take a picture earlier?”

“Yup.” Karin grinned as evilly as a hollow. “It’s going in the fashion album.”

“Ichi-nii lets us dress him up whenever we go shopping and take pictures of him.” Yuzu piped up helpfully. “We keep the pictures with the outfits and poses we like and put it in the album. It’s a lot of fun. Sometimes we make him walk like he’s on a runway.”

Both Orihime and Rukia looked like Christmas has come early.

“There’s more?” Renji didn’t like how fervent Rukia sounded. “Can we see it?”

Karin hummed and tapped her chin. Renji had the distinct impression she was fucking with them.

“Sure.” Karin finally said after a tense moment. “But it’s gonna cost you.”

Orihime had the look of a desperate woman. “How much?”

“Orihime-san!” Ishida shouted, appalled.

“Ishida-kun, think about it.” Orihime said in a rarely serious tone. “Kurosaki-kun in a suit. Posing. _Strutting_.”

Ishida’s cheeks bloomed into a rosy color. He swallowed hard.

“Th-That’s no reason to debase yourself like this.” He stuttered.

“Sure.” Rukia deadpanned. “You don’t look _at all_ interested.”

Before Ishida could dig himself a deeper hole, Ichigo finally showed up after what was probably the longest bathroom break ever. Silence befell the table when he did and Renji couldn’t control his gaze from resting on Ichigo’s collarbone and neck that was for some ungodly reason wet. Ichigo’s face glistened under the lights. Maybe he splashed his face with water or something, who knew. All Renji could think about was wiping away that drop of liquid slowly rolling down from Ichigo’s chin down his-

“Uh,” Ichigo glanced around, eyeing them all suspiciously. “Did I just miss something?”

“No!” as if they all rehearsed it, the chorus of no’s echoed the restaurant, earning a few glares from other customers before, right before Renji’s two eyeballs, started fucking blushing when spotting Ichigo.

Fuck. _Fuck._

Did the universe just decide to suddenly make Kurosaki Ichigo inexplicably good looking or was it that they had all been too dense to realize what effect Ichigo’s attractiveness had? Or that he was attractive at all?

Ichigo’s little sister was probably right. Ichigo himself was probably the repellent for his own good looks. That Renji couldn’t stop paying attention to now.

“Oookay?” Ichigo shook his head, running a hand through his orange hair and somehow looking unfairly sexy in the process. Renji caught Orihime taking a picture with her phone and honestly couldn’t blame her. He would do the same if it weren’t for the fact Rukia's and his phone didn’t have a camera function. A crying shame, that. “We gonna order or what?”

Another form of interruption came when Orihime’s phone exploded with the sound of someone calling. Orihime barely opened the flip phone to answer it before hysterical voices hit the ears of everyone at their table’s vicinity.

_“WHO IN THE FUCK EDITED THIS SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK? OI, TELL ME THIS IS A JOKE!”_

_“THAT’S ICHIGO?? HIME-CHAN, I CAN CHANGE! I-I CAN START WORKING OUT! I’LL BE SO FASHIONABLE YOU’LL FALL FOR ME INSTANTLY! HIME-CHAN!~_

_“Wow, I really underestimated Ichigo. He might actually get a girl someday. A miracle.”_

“The fuck?” Ichigo said blankly.

Renji slammed his head on the table and decided right then and there he needed alcohol fucking _yesterday_.

 _This_ , he decided, _was Captain Kuchiki’s fault._

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the link for my headcanons:  
> https://aerialflight.tumblr.com/post/189111524858/ichigo-for-the-five-headcanons-thing


End file.
